I can finally!

Thank you for talking with me. Thank you for making me understand love. Thank you making me understand myself. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for everything that you have knowingly and unknowingly given me. Thank you for all the joy in the world. You shaped me, you know.

I love you and will respect you till eternity. But I have realized that now it is time for me to be open to love. It is time for me to let you go. I am going to cherish you. You are my friend. You are my wonderful friend. Knowing your love and the power of it I want to love too. I don’t want to live in the lies anymore. I understand divine love now. You are mine. I never expected anything from you. I never demanded but somewhere in my heart I was convinced that your friendship was love. I thought I can have you if only I will wait it out. I am delusional. Again, you showed me light and you don’t know it. What cruel world? I am afraid of telling you the truth. I am that hard shell that can never break till it’s killed. I am afraid of losing you.  

I can just pour my heart out in this diary. Contrary to what many may think, I am actually happy at discovering the divine love. You are the epi center of it. I show other people love keeping them in your shoes for me. I remember you when I don’t like someone and immediately I start the opposite. Nary was the thought of you was accompanied with guilt, anger, hatred, pang, hurt. You were always light, joy, love.

I will and am working on being more open. To crawl out of that shell. To unearth myself in this brave world. I will not shy away from tears. I will not turn my back on love. Losing and attaining are part of life.

Thank you for teaching me that. I can only try and I will try for ever that I can achieve this same respect in your eyes that I have for you.